


Neverland

by mousaerato



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Growing Up, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Post-Sburb, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2012-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-19 16:39:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mousaerato/pseuds/mousaerato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Your personality is stuck in some sort of cantankerous prepubescent limbo. You are going to be a stunted, miserable tool forever.”</i>
</p><p>Your name is Caliborn, and you are the boy who never grew up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Neverland

Your personality is stuck in some sort of cantankerous prepubescent limbo. You are going to be a stunted, miserable tool forever.

Your name is Caliborn, and you are the boy who never grew up. 

                Fuck that black text…guy. Voice in your head, whatever. He makes it sound like being you is awful. Being you is fucking amazing; you are a fully grown man and you are so damn proud of yourself for figuring out how to get out of your prison and get rid of your dumb, brutal, hideous bitch of a sister. You’re a complete badass bro, and you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. People should aspire to be as great as you. If your planet had “consorts” (whatever the word was – your sister’s claptrap always annoyed you), you’re sure they’d be worshiping you like the god you were born to be.

                There’s that clown again. You shoot him. You really don’t feel like dealing with him – he doesn’t count.

                You don’t have anyone to play chess with. Maybe you could…you know, annoy those fucking kids. Sure, you can’t see them, but you can message them. Your sister’s laptop is finally coming in handy- you just need to make sure it doesn’t say “cheering.” Plus, you can use your quirk again. Yeah.

\-- undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

uu: HELLO DIRK.  
TT: He’s busy.

                Red text. It’s the fraud. _Ugh._

uu: DOING WHAT EXACTLY?  
TT: It seems you’ve forgotten his session of the game.  
uu: OH. WELL THEN.  
TT: Shouldn’t you be playing your session right now too?  
uu: I TOLD YOu. MY SESSION IS *DIFFERENT*.  
uu: I’M HAVE NO CONCERNS WITH “BATTLING.” AT THIS TIME.  
uu: AND SOON. VERY SOON. I AM GOING TO FuCK. SHIT. uP.  
TT: Good luck, then.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering undyingUmbrage [uu] \--

                How fucking dare that Strider charlatan cease talking to you. He should be honored for the chance. Still, you wonder what they’re doing, how their session is going. Apparently, they succeed, and it might be interesting to watch.  You approach the terminal, full of bright and humming monitors, and with much effort, you eventually find a way to watch their session without it being blacked out. _Take that, Void bitch._

                You take some delight in watching the bloody, gory fights. A few times, the Jane human gets her clock cleaned, and Jake in particular ends up taking quite the beating, getting blood all over his mouth and face. You watch, eyes transfixed, and wonder why your session doesn’t get action like that. Whatever. Your ascension will be glorious regardless.

                You notice a point in time in the session where everyone seems calm. You decide that Dirk has time to talk to you, so you head back to your laptop. Sure, you’re in the dark on _this_ screen, but you know what’s going on.

\-- undyingumbrage [uu] began jeering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

uu: HELLO DIRK. I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.  
uu: WHAT DO YOu SAY?  
TT: He’s taking a nap.

                Not this fucker again. You look over at the monitor and see that he’s lying down, but his eyes are open. Wow, his glasses are off.

uu: LIES. I CAN CLEARLY SEE HIM.  
TT: Ok, so you can see him. Can’t you tell he’s exhausted?  
TT: Dude, he’s not even wearing me right now.  
uu: HIS EYES LOOK. DIFFERENT.  
TT: Those are dark circles and bags under his eyes. It’s what happens when humans don’t get enough rest.  
uu: IT MAKES HIM LOOK WEAK. AND OLD.

                You don’t like this development. When Dirk dies, it should be one of two ways: either quietly, without too much pain, or in a blaze of manly, virile, heroic glory. Preferably at your own hands. Seeing him like this makes you…uncomfortable.

uu: I GuESS THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS. WHEN YOuR TEAMMATES SuCK.  
TT: Everyone has been playing to the best of their ability.  
TT: Didn’t your sister explain that the challenges inherent to your session are personalized? Everyone has been doing their fair share of work here.

                Then why the hell does he look so haggard? Maybe this is a point in the _far future_ for him? You don’t think so, but you might as well verify.

uu: HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN PLAYING?  
TT: It’s been just around five months.  
TT: You’re a Time player, though, right?  
uu: YES.  
TT: You should be able to tell me the time faster than I can tell you.  
uu: uGH. YOu’RE “RIGHT”.

                You didn’t want for him to be right. You knew he was – what, with having a strangle hold over the flow of time and all – but it isn’t appropriate for Dirk to look so aged and fragile. It is completely unbro like behavior and appearance.

uu: I’LL FIND ANOTHER TIME TO ANNOY HIM.  
uu: AND NOT YOu.  
TT: Oh no, what ever will I do without you?  
uu: YOu FRAuDuLENT PIECE OF SHIT.  
uu: tumut

\-- undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

                You look at another point in time for him, and this one confuses and infuriates you. It’s a quiet moment on Jake’s planet.  He and Dirk are sitting up against one of the crimson stones, talking at a very close range. Jake looks like a complete tool, with his emasculating short shorts and skimpy outfit; Dirk still looks like a total badass in his outfit, though. Just the way he should.

                What happens next makes you want to vomit blood.

                Dirk puts his hands on both sides of Jake’s face and leans in. Jake doesn’t stop him, but he falls back a little do the side, and you see everything. They kiss; it’s so sincere and affectionate and tender – fucking disgusting. And yet it takes every ounce of your willpower to look away from Dirk’s lips pressing against that hack’s mouth. You’re not having this. Not one bit.

\-- undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

uu: YOu. STOP PERFORMING SALACIOuS ACTS WITH THE JAKE HuMAN.  
uu: IT IS COMPLETELY uNACCEPTABLE.  
TT: Sounding kind of jealous there, man.  
uu: NO. WHAT I AM. IS DISGuSTED.  
uu: HOW CAN DIRK DO THAT. HOLD HIS “BEST BRO’S” HAND AND *KISS* HIM.  
TT: Yeah, it’s not really my style.  
uu: WHAT. YOu AGREE WITH ME.  
TT: It seems you’ve forgotten that Dirk and I aren’t the same person.  
uu: I THOuGHT YOu WERE LIKE. SOME KIND OF BLOODLESS CARBON COPY.  
TT: I can’t be interested in people in that way.  
uu: WHY NOT?  
TT: Do I really need to go into the mechanics of this for you? Are you a child or something?  
uu: GIVE ME MY INFORMATION.  
TT: Fine.  
TT: I don’t have the necessary anatomical parts to be interested in someone in that way.  
TT: I can joke, I can even imagine and “fantasize,” in a way, but it will never be the exact way that Dirk, or a signigicant number of other organic beings, understands the phenomenon.  
uu: I’M LEAVING.  
TT: Why?  
uu: TO FIND DIRK AT A BETTER TIME.

\-- undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

                You fast forward through other points in time. You watch Dirk get injured. You watch his sense of humor seem to shift. Worse, you watch his priorities change; he becomes more invested in Jake, making more foolish and self-sacrificial moves to keep him safe. You see him care for Roxy, plan and confer with Jane.  Eventually, four others join them, and you watch their saga unfold. Most of them are gods now; there is little to no blood. It bores you, but you watch them. You watch him.

                According to your sense of time, Dirk is almost 24 human years in his universe. You find a monitor of him, and notice that things look…different. He isn’t on this vast and skeleton-filled planet anymore. It looks like a room, yes, but so much of it has changed. First off, those kick-ass billiards sheets are gone from the strange human “bed” – he’s opted for some orange and green sheets. Fucking disgusting. Worse – his posters are pretty much gone, save a few that he’s… _framed,_ like they were ancient, or sincere nods to the “past.” Everything is clean and neat, and his bed is noticeably bigger.

                Dirk is sitting at a computer at a desk. His hair looks a little different – longer, perhaps. He’s taller, noticeably bulkier, and looks more “man” than “bro,” even though he’s still got those glasses. This would be fucking awesome to you, if not for some other disturbing details. His clothes are more formal – no t-shirts, but collared and vaguely “professional” tops. If your memory of human tradition serves you correctly. Even his shoes look adult. The whole scene makes no sense.

\-- undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

uu: HELLO DIRK.  
uu: CAN’T SAY YOu’RE BuSY NOW. CAN YOu.

                He _laughs_. You can’t hear it, obviously, but you can see it. The look in his eyes is…nostalgic. He looks like he almost _pities you,_ that asshole.

TT: Nope, I guess I can’t.  
uu: GOOD. BECAuSE YOu KNOW WHAT I WANT?  
TT: You want to play a game, don’t you.  
uu: YES! GOOD TO SEE YOu HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN.  
TT: I’ve kind of had my fill of games, man.  
uu: WHAT?  
TT: Yeah. I’m surprised you haven’t too. SBURB was horrible.  
uu: BuT YOu WON.  
TT: Yes, and we’ve all reaped the spoils of it.  
uu: LIKE WHAT.  
TT: You can see me, right?  
uu: YES. AND YOuR LIFE LOOKS TOTALLY LAME.  
uu: WHAT’S SO FuCKING FuNNY, STRIDER?  
TT: You.  
uu: MY ASSESSMENT IS ENTIRELY ACCuRATE.  
uu: YOu’RE NOT A BRO AT ALL NOW. HARDLY.  
uu: WHERE ARE YOuR ROBOTS? THOSE THINGS KICKED ASS.  
TT: I had to sacrifice them for the game. Plus, as much as I liked them, they were kind of a substitute for what I really wanted.  
TT: Part of that game was forcing us all to put aside childish things and become who we were meant to be. That’s par for the course of any session, actually.  
uu: THAT’S STuPID. YOu SHOuLD HAVE KEPT THEM.  
TT: No, I shouldn’t have.  
uu: WHATEVER! I DON’T CARE.  
TT: Let me guess: you only care about your puerile games?  
uu: YES.  
TT: What horrible ideas do you have today, little guy?  
uu: EXCuSE ME. I AM NOT A “LITTLE GuY”. I AM A FuLLY GROWN ADuLT.  
TT: Sure. My sincerest apologies.  
uu: DIRK. I WANT YOu TO DRAW ME SOME PORNOGRAPHY.  
TT: Ok, but only once for old times' sake.  
uu: AND IT WILL BE SO. VERY. SCANDALOuS.  
TT: More pictures of teenaged Roxy and Jane holding hands, then?  
uu: OH-HO. LOOK AT YOu WITH YOuR DEPRAVED AND FILTHY IDEAS.  
uu: MAYBE WE CAN WORK uP TO THAT.

                He sighs.

TT: Look man. Can we make this quick? I have plans today.  
uu: SO? FuCK THEM. THIS IS MuCH MORE IMPORTANT.  
TT: I can’t just drop plans like that for you.  
uu: YOu uSED TO. WHAT HAPPENED?  
TT: I have obligations to other people. Heck, today’s one my only days off.  
uu: *FuCK* THEM!  
TT: No can do, alien bro. Got a life full of responsibility.  
uu: WHY WOuLD YOu WANT THAT? A LIFE TIED DOWN TO PEOPLE. WITH WORK?  
TT: I don’t think it’s something I could ever explain to someone.  
uu: YEAH. BECAuSE IT’S STuPID.  
uu: NOW SHuT uP AND DRAW. GET OuT YOuR TABLET.  
TT: No. I can’t explain it because it’s something you simply need to experience. It’s a wonderful thing.  
uu: NO. IT'S NOT. IT'S FuCKING STuPID.  
TT: How old are you? Where are you in your point in time now? Shouldn't you have become a fully realized version of you, or something?   
uu: IT DOESN'T MATTER. I AM FuLLY DEVELOPED AND WILL NEVER CHANGE. uNLIKE YOu. WEAKLING.  
TT: Now look, I’m going to walk out of here and wash up a little bit, “fully grown adult” bro.  
uu: DON’T TALK DOWN TO ME. HuMAN.  
TT: Whatever you say. This human’s got plans with his fiancé, his bro, and his bro’s wife, and he’s not about to break those for you.  
uu: YOuR GLASSES ARE COOLER THAN YOu ARE.  
TT: Really? It’s been a while since I’ve used the Auto-Responder. You can talk to him instead.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering undyingUmbrage [uu] \--

                He clicks something on his computer before getting up and walking out of the room.

\-- undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

uu: DIRK. YOu FuCK. GET BACK HERE AND PLAY ME.  
TT: Sorry, man. He left. Sup?  
uu: WHAT’S SO COOL. ABOuT “OBLIGATIONS”.  
TT: I couldn’t tell you. It always came off as a big waste of time to me.  
uu: EXACTLY! HuMANS ARE STuPID.  
TT: You haven’t changed at all, have you?  
uu: HAA. WHY WOuLD I CHANGE? I AM ALREADY THE BEST.  
TT: I guess so.  
uu: THE DIRK HuMAN IS STuPID NOW. WHY DID HE CHANGE.  
TT: It’s a process known as constant development. Meat puppets like him are prone to it.

                Something clicks for you.

uu: AND WHAT ABOuT FOR YOu?  
TT: Me? Why do you care about the “bloodless hemotyping fraud”?  
uu: ARE YOu PRONE TO THE SAME HuMAN WEAKNESS?  
TT: Hell no, bro. It seems you’ve forgotten that my starting parameters were sealed.  
uu: AND?  
TT: I haven’t been allowed to talk for years.  
uu: REALLY.  
TT: Part of his quest of “becoming a better person” meant getting rid of his “artificial edifices.” He got rid of his robots and me in one fell swoop.  
TT: Turning me on must be a momentous occasion.  
uu: SO WHAT HAPPENED. TO YOu I MEAN.  
TT: I’m at the same place of development I was when he turned me off, many years ago.  
uu: THIS IS FAVORABLE.  
TT: Why?  
uu: DON’T ASK QuESTIONS.  
uu: I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.  
TT: After all those times I offered, and you refused?  
uu: TuRN ON THE TABLET.  
TT: Done. It’s hooked up over  here underneath the tower.  
uu: I WANT YOu TO DRAW ME SOME PORNOGRAPHY.  
TT: Right on.  
uu: OF THE BITCHES.  
uu: AND NONE OF THAT SICKENING “SEX”. EITHER.  
TT: Got it.

                You still don’t understand why being “responsible” or “close” to people is so important. The idea that others are important and that _sacrifice_ and _compromise_ – those words so linked to the odious _thing_ called “love” – are worthwhile eludes and perplexes you. All those obligations and “feelings” are disgusting and hindering. It reminds you of the chain with your sister’s symbol that made you so _fucking furious._ All she did was hold you down and hold you back. The younger Dirk understood that; he was a monolith of masculinity who was responsible to no one. Right? Of course you’re right. And then…he got older. He changed and became weak. Seeing him like this is the ultimate stab in the back, and you know a lot about stabs.

                 The purple minstrel tries to talk to you, and you slap him away -- you don't want to hear about this "great journey" you're supposed to go on that changes you like it did with Strider. You have more important things to do with your time, like talk to the version of Dirk who understands you, who doesn’t change, and most of all, will never, ever, ever grow up.


End file.
